Rose Keniah narrated her horrible ordeal when she narrowly escaped death on the fateful day when her estranged husband Mathias Sedungon shot her on the shoulder in the company of other women going to farm. He fired at close range hitting her on the shoulder in an attempt to kill her.For Rose , the passing of her husband, with whom she had been married for over 16-years, is a blessing in disguise.
It all started when the couple had a misunderstanding leading to a separation.Rose in the company of other women were on their way to farm when her husband, described as a sharp shooter, ambushed and attacked her in September this year.The interventions from the women who walked with Rose at the time was not enough to dissuade Mathias from his intention on that fateful Wednesday.He fired and hit Rose before disappearing into the bush.
Moments later, while the woman was being sent to the hospital, news spread that Mathias had committed suicide, few meters away from where he shot his wife.
Injured Madam Keniah is not moved by her husband’s death as the family awaits the Ejisu police to release the body for burial.
She says she survived by divine intervention from the man she had known as a good marksman with a gun.
The mother of four who hails from Paga in the Upper East Region has a lesson to share with her peers who suffer spousal abuse.
“Don’t just flee from their threats, report them to police,” Madam Keniah says.
Earlier this month there was another incident that happened in my hometown, Bekwai Ashanti region in which a man known as Frenchman allegedly behead his girlfriend, Afia Betty.
An inhabitant, (name withheld) in a chat with The Ghanaian Times, claimed that there was a wake keeping for a native of the town, Kwame Kyere, in the evening of Friday.
He said the atmosphere was heightened when “Ye wo krom” song was played which saw a lot of mourners, including Betty dancing to the tune.
The source alleged that in the course of dancing, Frenchman was seen at about 10 p.m., pulling Betty away but no one knew where he was taking her to.
According to the source, at about 1 a.m. Betty’s son went to their house to sleep, and on entering the room, stepped into a pool of blood on the floor and alerted some elders.
The question is how many more women will have to die before we take action? We hear these stories over and over,the abuse and the killings.Some of these victims are friends, neighbors,sisters, daughters and even wives of close family members.We know they’re in abusive relationships but turn a blind eye until the unthinkable happens.Unless we do something this problem will not go away on their own.We need to educate our communities the dangers and warning signs of abuse:
The following is a list of behaviors that may indicate a potential abuser. It is not the purpose of the listing to imply that every person with some of these attributes is a batterer or potential batterer.
At the start of the relationship, an abuser will equate jealously with love. The abuser will question the victim about who the victim talks to, accuse the victim of flirting, or become jealous of time spent with others. The abuser may call the victim frequently during the day, drop by unexpectedly, refuse to let the victim work, check the car mileage, or ask friends to watch the victim.
In the beginning an abuser will attribute controlling behavior to concern for the victim (for example, the victim’s safety or decision-making skills). As this behavior progresses the situation will worsen, and the abuser may assume all control of finances or prevent the victim from coming and going freely.
A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship.
An abuser expects the victim to meet all of the abuser’s needs, to take care of everything emotionally and domestically.
An abuser will attempt to isolate the victim by severing the victim’s ties to outside support and resources. The batterer will accuse the victim’s friends and family of being “trouble makers.” The abuser may block the victim’s access to use of a vehicle, work, or telephone service in the home.
Blames others for problems
An abuser will blame others for all problems or for the abuser’s own shortcomings. Someone is always out to get the abuser or is an obstacle to the abuser’s achievements. The victim or potential victim will be blamed for almost anything.
Blames others for feelings
An abuser will use feelings to manipulate the victim. Common phrases to look for: “You’re hurting me by not doing what I want.” “You control how I feel.”
An abusive person is easily insulted, perceiving the slightest setbacks as personal attacks.
Cruelty to animals or children
This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain. The abuser may expect children to perform beyond their capability (for example whipping a two-year-old for wetting a diaper or teasing children or siblings until they cry).
“Playful” use of force in sex
This behavior includes restraining partners against their will during sex, acting out fantasies in which the partner is helpless, initiating sex when the partner is asleep, or demanding sex when the partner is ill or tired. The abuser may show little concern for his partner’s wishes and will use sulking and anger to manipulate compliance.
This behavior involves saying things that are intended to be cruel and hurtful, cursing or degrading the victim, or putting down the victim’s accomplishments.
Rigid sex roles
The victim, almost always a woman, will be expected to serve. For instance, a male abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship.
Dual personality “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde”
Explosive behavior and moodiness, which can shift quickly to congeniality, are typical of people who beat their partners.
An abuser will beat any partner if the individual is involved with the abuser long enough for the cycle of abuse to begin. Circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality.
Threats of violence
This consists of any threat of physical force meant to control the partner. Most people do not threaten their mates but an abuser will excuse this behavior by claiming “everyone talks like that.”
Breaking or striking objects
This behavior is used as punishment (breaking sentimental possessions) or to terrorize the victim into submission.
Any force during an argument
This may involve an abuser holding down his the victim, physically restraining the victim from leaving, or pushing or shoving. Holding someone back in order to make demands, such as “You will listen to me!” is also a show of force.http://www.newhopeforwomen.org/abuser-tricks
Now that you know the warning signs.Seek help from friends and family,or if you attend church,let your pastor know about it ,through counselling your abuser could be saved.Some of these men are abused themselves as children and demonstrate what they only know .
For instance a child who is raised in a loving home knows nothing about violence or the use of force to get their message across while the one who is raised in an abusive home only knows violence and the use of force.So it’s important to look out for the signs before it escalates ,by then its too late.Flee when you can and get them the help they need.I don’t believe anyone is born to be a monster,its the society that turned them into monsters.Join us in our campaign to end violence on twitter @100 daughters. Follow us and let’s have a conversation.
By Gifty Ayim Korankye
Daughters Of Africa